Wednesday, February 2, 2011
It has been a minute since I last posted huh? Ugh. I want so badly to keep up with this thing but my life is a whirlwind and I just...forget.
So, here we go. Just some random ramblings for you today.
My family is driving me......crazy. Literally.
I seriously need a break from them. All of them. Either they need to leave for a while, or I do. I am like, so close to just snapping. I am the core of the family. Maybe because I'm the oldest? But I am kind of like the center piece. And it is so overwhelming, so frustrating, so stressful having to carry my own burdens, along with everyone elses. My brothers are constantly hitting me up for money. CONSTANTLY. Like, they just forget that I'm a single mom of 5? My one brother lives with me, rent free. Doesnt pay any bills. Doesnt work. Doesnt go to school. NOTHING. Sleeps in until 2-3 every day. Stays up all night playing video games. I love him to death, Lord knows I do, but he's a bum. He has no goals, no ambition, no motivation. I know I am a part of this problem. I am enabler. I know it, I hate it, but I feel trapped. Trapped with guilt and sadness and worry and regrets.I just dont know what to do, what the right choice is. I cannot lose him, our relationship. We are all we have. But at the same time, I want his respect, and his consideration. I want to help him, I want to encourage him but I feel like our relationship is getting to a point where I feel like an old married woman whos hates her lazy husband. I just find everything so irritating, I do EVERYTHING, I even cook his freakin meals and do his laundry, I buy his ciggerates, I do all the cleaning, and he can't help carry in groceries? He can't take out the garbage? Its insanity. As I type this, I cannot believe I am "that" girl.
So, I know. You're sitting there like this dumb...! Why don't you just tell him to grow up(which I have a million times, and not in such nice terms btw) and kick his ass out?
Trust me. I get it. I really do. I think the same thing. Which is pretty screwed up, considering.
But he has no where to go. Typical sob story, I know. But he truly doesn't. And I just love him. And we had it really rough growing up, and our mom was around...but she wasnt, if you get my drift, and so I know I play a motherly role in his life. And I don't think I could live with the guilt of telling him to kick rocks and turn my back on him too.
So whats a girl to do? Whats a girl to do? Thats rhetorical, by the way. I know the answer. But...damn. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it.
Mayson is growing up so fast. So fast.
I'm not sure my heart can take it.
She is such an angel. I know everyone thinks their kid is an angel, but Mayson, she is a ANGEL. She is so beautiful, so sweet and affectionate. She is like a magnet, and everyone is drawn to her. She is always cheerful and smiling and genuwinely happy.
But, lately this little angel has been quite the opposite. She's teething and while she took it well before, is not handeling it well this time. I havent slept in like, 2 weeks?! I have horrible bags under my eyes. Even when shes sleeping, I swear I hear her ringing fussiness echoing in my brain. Maybe thats delirium from sleep deprevation? I find myself hiding in the bathroom for an extra 15 minutes, just sitting on the toilet(lid down, lid down!) and closing my eyes for a quick brain rest before one...or three kids come banging on the door for one thing or another.
To add to that fun, we are POTTY TRAINING!!! She has shown some serious signs of being ready, such as refusing to put a diaper on for longer than .5 seconds, letting me know as soon as she goes potty, pottying in the bathroom near the toilet. So yeah, here we go. I went out and bought her a adorable potty chair(who knew going potty could look so cute!). Unfortanetly, she likes it SO much, she insists on carrying it all around the house to plop down on whenever she feels the need to rest her chubby little legs. I guess that isnt so bad, at least its killing 2 birds with 1 stone? :)
Its hard to believe she'll be 2 years old in april. My baby is getting bigger, and I am extra sad this time since this is the last time I'll experience a newborn, and an infant and now were a toddler and then before I know it that will be gone :(
Ugh, sorry. Sappy maternal moment. I can't control it sometimes.
So, while we're being sappy, lets talk about Angelynas new beau. Mmmmhmm. My 9 year old daughter has a crush. His name is Jacob. They ride the bus together and he lives a couple blocks away. He is totally adorable! He walks her home every single day, even though its about a block past his house. They sit together on the bus. They have playdates together. And she gushes about him ALL the time. Her whole attitude has changed. My once no dress wearing, hates the color pink, adorable tomboy daughter is suddenly wanting to start wearing dresses and something other than her beloved dirty checkered vans. I used to have to fight her to brush her hair in the morning and now I'm fighting her to get out before were late to school. Is this really REAL?! I mean, I know its innocent. NOW. But how long is now? I overhear the gossip about whos KISSING who in her class and was confident I didnt have to worry about Angelyna. Does this mean we have to have "THE TALK"? I can't handle the talk. I could barely handle training bras. Pray for me.
So, anyways, I'm tired and feel a headache coming on, so I'll continue this later.
Oh, but guess what? I can officially say not only did I meet the guy of my dreams, but I'm now officially in a relationship with him. Whos the luckiest girl in the world? This one right here. Hollar <3
♥our lips must always be sealed
Post a Comment