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Love is our Resistance
Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us

Thegirl

Dominica Rain. California. Mommy of 5 daughters.Tattooed. Hopeless Romantic. Dreamer. Book Worm. Media Whore. Lives For Amazing Music, The Ocean, Art && Love.

And This Is My Life In Words && Photos.


Heartsong

Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake
and dress them in warm clothes again.
How it was late, and no one could sleep, the horses running
until they forget that they are horses.
It's not like a tree where the roots have to end somewhere,
it's more like a song on a policeman's radio,
how we rolled up the carpet so we could dance, and the days
were bright red, and every time we kissed there was another apple
to slice into pieces.
Look at the light through the windowpane. That means it's noon, that means
we're inconsolable.
Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.
These, our bodies, possessed by light.
Tell me we'll never get used to it.
-Richard Siken


Sweetdesires

Did I hear someone say chocolate!?

Dexter && Weeds
Finding New Artists && Amazing Music Playlists
Rockstars. Energy FTW!
Rainy days in
Coconut M&Ms
Rainy Days in with my daughters


Lovedlist

Meet the people I love♥

My Photography Blog Nicholette Rebecca
Sarah Diona Megan Maggie

Pastmemories

Are you sure you want to turn back the time and read about my past?

November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
April 2011
May 2011
July 2011


Monday, February 28, 2011

Last Saturday night, February 20th, one of my best friends, Rachel(weve known each other since HS), called me and invited me out to a party. It was a "white trash theme". I LOVE theme parties and I rarely go out anymore so I was like um, sure why not! She picked me up around 9 and we grabbed some dinner and headed to the party. The party was SO SO much fun, omg I had a blast. I really dont ever go out. I mean, I go out with George on ocassiona, but otherwise, I'm at home 24/7 with the girls. So I was on cloud 9 to be out and having such a great time with great people.



Around 1:30, everyones kind of leaving so we go too. Were on the freeway, singing out hearts out to our jams on the radio. Theres this bend in the freeway here, its kind of like almost a blind bend, you turn but you cant see the other side til your there, kwim?

Anyways, apparently some girl, who WAS drunk, smashed her car into a pole and another car before hitting the center divide. For whatever reason....maybe drunkness? she gets OUT of her car and starts wandering around the freeway, at 2 am, in the dark. A black SUV hits her and ends up flippin in the process. Rachel is driving and as we turn the corner, we literally dont even have a second to register anything, just BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! we smash into the overturned SUV.

After this, is gets really fuzzy for me. I know(from rachel and the paramedics) that I was knocked unconcious. Its so crazy because I remember hearing Rachel crying hysterically and she kept saying NICA WAKE UP, NICA PLEASE WAKE UP, ARE YOU OKAY? but no matter how hard I tried I couldnt answer. It was soo....weird. I dont know how to explain it. I remember her climbing out of the car and screaming for someone to please help me, that I had kids and someone please get me out of the car. Rachel later said the car was smoking and she was afraid itd blow up.

The police/medics get there and they are trying to get me out of the car but im stuck somehow. This is when I really start to remember coming "back" to the real world. ALL I felt was excruciating pain. Pain like youve never felt in your life. I thought I was dying. Truly. I started crying hysterically and screaming in coherent things and I could not stop thinking about the girls and what would happen to them if I died, how could I do that to them and I kept crying and begging the paramedic to please help me, please. They cutt off all my clothes, my FAVORITE jacket and jeans :( I really dont remember anything after this. I was sedated twice, and the last thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed and Rachel was sitting next to holding my hand and crying and saying how sorry she was. Even though is was very obvious it wasnt her fault, she is SO guilt ridden, which is absolutely insane.

The conclusion? 2 fractures in my right foot. My left hand is broken. My left hip is broken. I have a bruised left lung and there was a little bleeding in my brain, which is why I was in the ICU. I finally got moved to a "regular" floor room. The hip is the biggest issue right now. I wish I could explain how horrific it hurts, but I cant put it into words. I spent the first 12 hours crying and screaming hysterically in pain. I was given every drug you can think of, vicodin, valium, perocet, oxy. I started physically therapy, which iss so hard. Like, learning to walk all over again. I cant even go to the bathroom by myself. Its so mebarassing. I had to have nurses come in and physically turn me over so I dont get bed sores. I just....I cant believe any of this. I truly cant. Im broken. And I am trying so hard to stay strong you guys, but it hurts so much sometimes that I dont know how I can do this.

Matt has been an angel. I know hes been so so so worried about me.  He called me everyday && sent flowers,  just to check in. It means so much, to have someone care about me like that. So surreal. Chante, of all people, has REALLY come to my aid. As most of you know, we dont get along, never have. My family all found out about my accident before i even woke up the next day and could process everything. Chante was the first at my bedside and came by everyday. So many friends have shown so much support and love this past week. Its...amazing. I am so blessed. So fucking blessed and thankful for everything and one in my life. This experience, it has truly changed me. I know thats cliche, but its so true. I just think about the what ifs, and I know I had a guardian angel with me that night, as did Rachel. My faith and love in God is what saved me and I know those of you who arent religious are rolling your eyes, an trust me, Ive been that same way. But I know this, in my heart and soul.

Oh, and this what Rachels car looks like now. So scary to see. So scary.




I am finally at home now and taking it a day at a time. Its so hard, I'm not going to lie. The hardest thing I think Ive ever done. But I have so much to be thankful and positive for and so much to keep me going. It has really put alot of things into perspective for me in regards to my life, my relationships with people, my dreams. Life is short and I wont ever, ever take that for granted again.

Next, my weekend with Matt <3
Stay tuned.... haha :)

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Tuesday, February 15, 2011




So, as you already know, Valentines Day was yesterday. I pretty much love Valentines Day!! Really, its one of my favorite holidays because I'm all about love and cheesy romance and all that fun stuff. I had the BEST valentine this year. I made Matts gift and the cheesy meter was off the charts, haha. And, as you saw before, Matt got me that amazing jounal(which I have loved writing in every night!) and the best playlist ever, featuring "our" songs AND custom album art, holllar :) And despite the fact that were hundreds of miles away, he managed to make the day special and amazing. Just another reminder of how lucky I am!

And, in honor of Valentines Day, I'm going to totally dedicate this post to gushing about my uber adorable boy.

First, is he not the most gorgeous thing ever? Ugh. I'm pretty sure he was created from my dreams.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."
Bob Marley

That, right there, sums up my feelings towards Matt perfectly. Ever since I seperated from Shayne, I have been so leary of dating. I had come to be content being alone and single and just kind of doing my thing. And its the craziest thing? But literally he was just there. Like fate had just dropped him in my lap, as if to say "dont give up on love just yet...". And since that day, we have literally talked non stop, every single day. Every day. And I can't get enough. I miss him every minute of every day. I think about him about just as often. My life is just....so much more beautiful, and so much happier, and hopeful with him in my life. I am smiling all day and I am laughing all the time and I'm just happy. Head over heels happy.

He has the most gorgeous eyes. You can just get lost in them. And his laugh is like the best song, and its so contagious. He has this smile, that brings you back to those Jr High school days. You know, when you had a huge crush on that boy, who was like totally out of your league, and then oone day, maybe by the lockers or maybe at the quad at lunch, and he passes you and smiles and you literally feel weak in the knees, like, church bells are ringing and all of a sudden birds are chirping(in your head, theres no actual birds...), but you get me, that feeling. When I'm with him, when I'm in his arms, its like everything in that very moment is perfect.
He is the most amazing father. I mean, I'm talking Full House Mr. Tanner style. His relationship and his love for his daughter is the most moving & endearing thing. He is intelligent and successful and motivated. He is sweet and affectionate and romantic(yes, ladiesss!!). He listens. REALLY listens. And he cares about what I have to say, and values my opinion. He opens doors in a day where chivalry is extinct. He makes me laugh even when I'm in the crappiest of moods. We have so much in common its utterly ridiculous(but in the most wonderful way) and just enough differences to balance it out. When something exciting happens, hes always the first person I want to tell. I can talk to him for hours, about anything and everything. He inspires me, he encourages me, he supports me yet he isn't afraid to put me in my place if need be. He is my biggest fan when it comes to my photography and really motivates me to pursue it and believe in myself.

He's just...amazing. And I am so lucky. So so lucky. I count my blessings everyday and its kinda like watching a fairytale unfold, and this time the princess is me.


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7:43 PM

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Sunday, February 13, 2011

Today, I had my first portfolio building session!! My friend, Samantha, graciously volunteered her daughters as models! It was SO much fun! It felt really wonderful to shoot someone other than my own kids LOL Anyways, I just finished editing, so heres a sneak peak at some of them!





















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9:30 PM

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Saturday, February 12, 2011

A couple weeks ago, I posted about this awesome journal I found about when I was browsing around online one night. I write in journals daily, and so I really loved the concept of this one. Well my amazing boyfriend surprised me with it today for Valentines Day!! I'm so lucky :)

Its a 5 year journal.
And everyday it asks a different question, and leaves a spot for you to answer that same day, every year for the next 5 years!

I am SO stoked!! It'll be amazing to look back in 5 years at my answers and see how much my life has changed.

I took this earlier today when I was cleaning, and turned around and this is what she was doing. This is typical Stormie!! She wants to be a singer/guitar player when she grows up. Im going to start looking into some guitars and lessons for her age for her. She's gonna be famous :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtube_gdata_player&v=1mp3UcQLJuw

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Friday, February 11, 2011


Mayson is at that stage now where I cannot go ANYWHERE without her following right behind me, literally on top of my heels. She wants to be picked up and held allllll the time. She will ONLY fall asleep laying on me. Not next or near to me, but literally right on top of me. And the second I move, shes awake and crying and climbing back on top of me. This is how it is for nap times as well. She lets me know shes ready for a nap cause she'll grab her pillow pet and blanket and come to wherever I am and tug on my pants leg or climb on top of me. It is so sweet and I love it, but it makes it SO hard to get things done. Even worse, I originally planned on having her start sleeping in her own bed, every night, instead of mine(we co-sleep). Now, I can't even imagine trying, she's so clingy. She's such a bed && pillow hog, I just want my bed back!

I feel SO overwhelmed lately. I wish I could just press a pause button and everything would freeze, and I could take a minute and sit down and allow my mind to just relax and take a deep breathe and unwind, just for a few minutes. I am pretty much the worst decision maker. Ever. I can't stand being faced with one choice vs another. I overthink everything, and so I find it hard to make up my mind because Im overthinking each decision. Does that make sense?! Things always make sense when I say them in my head and then get lost along the way to my mouth. Anyways, I have a billion things that need deciding and the majority of them are pretty life changing. Hence = overwhelmed.

As you can probably tell from the numerous picture posts, I've been picking up and using my camera alot more lately. Its been kind of wonderful, I forgot how much I missed it. And I'm pretty sure I can see some improvement overall, so thats kind of wonderful too. I've got some shoots planned with people outside of my immediate family so that is pretty exciting. Wish me luck!

I miss my boyfriend like CRAZY. C-R-A-Z-Y. This distance thing is so hard. I honestly could not imagine how people had long distance relationships before texting/emailing/skyping. Speaking of, Skype is pretty much the greatest thing everrrr. Skype dates= win. Matt pointed out to me the other night that we have talked EVERYDAY for the past almost 4 months. And when I say talk, I mean phone calls, texting from when we wake up to when we go to sleep, emailing and skyping, thats pretty amazing. We never run out of things to talk about! Its become a huge part of daily routine now. Anyways, I super miss him and I might go bananas if I dont get to see his gorgeous face soon. True story.

Oh and on a random note, but it really trips me out when Angelyna says things like "isnt this shirt sick mom?" or when she calls me from her dads house just to tell me she hopes I have a nice weekend.

OH OH and funny things Rylan says:
#489 *She was going to the bathroom and I was brushing my teeth* "Mom, my poop says its shy and it needs you to get out of the bathroom so it can come out" "Hurry, I need to get this done"

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Thursday, February 10, 2011

The weather has been amazing && we've been spending so much time outdoors, it's been wonderful!







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Monday, February 7, 2011

Life is so ridiculously beautiful. I am so happy. SO happy.



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Sunday, February 6, 2011

Pictures, of courseee :)


























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